


Every good thing I kill it dead

by Buttercup_ghost



Series: I'm not afraid of god, I am afraid of man. [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt, Delusions, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, God Complex, I think?, Implied Gas lighting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Misgendering, Non-Binary Frisk, Post-Undertale Genocide Route, Post-Undertale Soulless Pacifist Route, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Religious Discussion, Transphobia, Well - Freeform, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:00:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: How'd I ever get so off my rocks, how'd I ever get so lost?You say you're a good person. You don't believe it.(You still love feeling of dust, still crave that rush you get when your victim crumbles.)





	Every good thing I kill it dead

You say you're a good person.

You don't believe it.

 

You never believed in a god. Your parents, they did. They believed with all their heart, believed that a higher being was out there.

They said that you were an angel, sent by god. They read you the Bible every night, drilling in your head what was appropriate for a angel and what wasn't. You hated it.

They kept calling you a girl.

You're not.

 

It wasn't obvious. In a way that made it worse. They never hit you, the most they did physically was pulling your hair, or digging sharp nails into your back. It wasn't obvious. Sometimes you weren't sure it was there. But their words, their _words_ , they were the worst.

_Brat, lazy, ungrateful, greedy, overdramatic, attention seeker, when did you get so pathetic as to pull a stunt like this, cutting your arms, do you have any idea how much trouble you made for us--_

It made you want to puke.

It made you want to die.

So you did.

 

Everyone knew about it, the mountain. Over the years it was less of a legend that people never returned, and more of a self fulfilling prophecy. You guess you should know all about that.

The reason no one returned, was because the only people who would climb the mountain after hearing the legend were people who didn't _want_ to.

  
_You_ didn't want to.

 

  
Neither did chara.

 

 

You never believed in god. You always hated the idea of someone else controlling you, as if you were merely a character in a video game, a _puppet_ , of some so called higher being making your choices. You always hated the rules and prejudice in the church as well, the toxic environment getting to you. You always acted, though, acted like you were fine with it, afraid of what your parents might do if you didn't follow the rules. That was the difference between you and chara, they would rather be themselves and get punished, then pretend to be something they weren't and praised.

Is it better to be a empty person in heaven, or a complete one in purgatory?

You didn't know.

 

  
Maybe that's why it went so wrong.

 

 

 

You wanted control.

You wanted to play god.

Somewhere in there, you even started to think you _were_ god. Only now you realize you were the devil. Why did anyone ever call you a angel, again? Couldn't they see how twisted you really were?

Well, angels fall from heaven, you guess. Dust fills your dreams. You can't find it in you to regret it. You can't find it in you to deny you enjoyed it. You tell yourself that you're a good person.

Chara laughs.

 

  
You cry.

You cry a lot, until you fall asleep each night. You're not sure why you cry. You feel numb. You can't stop shaking.

 

You never really cared for the monsters, if you're honest. You viewed them as a part of a story, of sorts, as if they were apart of a game and you were merely a player. You suppose you should feel something towards them. You don't.

You're a good person, you tell yourself, again and again.

You know you're lying.

You say it again.

You wonder when you stopped caring.

 

 

 

 

Chara kills everyone.

You do nothing to stop it.

**Author's Note:**

> ( title from here : https://youtu.be/MoDclBlSMgU )


End file.
